How many more of those days can I have?  I feel like every time I have something “good” to write about, it has been one of those days. Today is no different, and I am sure I am destined for more insanity in this life with these kids.

Ranger was due for a haircut and had his mobile groomer show up today to help him out.  She got here just as the boys were waking up from nap.  Can you even call it nap if it was 25 minutes?  Anyway, I stepped out onto the front step to hand off Ranger and say hello.  I was outside for maybe three minutes.  When I walked back in, I heard the boys talking to each other.  I heard them saying things like “Mmmm, good! / I want more cookies. I have some?” I was trying to figure out where they got cookies from or how they busted out of their bedroom (which has a child safety doorknob lock on it) to raid the kitchen.  The next sentence I heard made my stomach flip, made my face turn white, and made my blood pressure instantly rise.  “I want more poop, please.” No. It couldn’t be.  I was outside for three minutes.  Sure enough, I walked in to find the most disgusting scene I have ever witnessed.  These animals had completed a poop masterpiece on the walls and were now snacking on it.  It took everything I had not to get sick right then and there.  They also got a bit on the floor, bureau, every piece of hardware to the bureau and every furniture lock.  They had the back of their bedroom door smeared, and they were starting on the closet doors.  I snapped a few quick pictures as I was escorting them to the bathtub, because at that point, I had nothing to lose.  The pictures honestly don’t do justice, but you get the idea.  I figured I could take these pictures out when their first girlfriends come over or something. They were clearly proud of their work.

After scrubbing them in the tub, thoroughly cleaning the insides of their mouths, and scrubbing their room, I voice chatted with Auntie Kiki.  If I didn’t have another adult to speak to at that moment, I was going to lose it.  She may have laughed at my situtation, but at that point it was a little bit funny. We agreed that it might be a good idea to call the pediatrician’s office to see if there was anything else I should be doing.  Did they need antibiotics or something else to ensure they didn’t get sick from this?  The nurse practitioner called me back and I told her I needed help with an embarrassing situation.  Thankfully, this woman is beyond amazing and knows us and the kids well, from all of the million phone calls and visits we’ve had the past few years.  Hi Nurse Dineen! We love you! As soon as I told her what happened, she said “I knew it! Knowing their ages and the fact that you said it was embarrassing, I knew what you were going to say!”  She assured me that I was not the first person to have kids do this, I wouldn’t be the last, and they would be just fine.  She also prescribed me a large glass of wine.

I love these kids with all my heart; I honestly do.  Today, however, I just think of the boys as being equivalents to monkeys in a zoo.