I am really getting frustrated with the amount of people who call our house phone every day (yes, we have a house phone like its 1999), pushing political views. They called at nap time today and even though I lunged for the phone, it was still too late. Jackson woke up, rolled over and yelled “We’re not home; go away!” when he heard the phone ringing. There’s hope for that boy, yet. Are you registered to vote? Are you a democrat? Are you a republican? Do you think the candidates need better hair stylists? I really don’t care to be asked any of these questions over the phone. Furthermore, these people wake up my sleeping children! Not cool.  They’ve even called as late as 9:30pm, which really angered me. Until Doc McStuffins’ name is on a ballot, because let’s face it – that girl is going places, I don’t need you to call me with political information. I’ll make my own decisions, thank you!

My poor little Joseph has been having bloody noses on and off lately, probably from the colds they are all getting over. He had an epic one this morning that really scared me. I couldn’t get it to stop, and he’s of course two, and did not understand the concept of sit still so I can help make this better. The poor guy was miserable and scared. He was elated when it stopped (after nearly half an hour) and I freed him from my grasp. He was even more excited that I let him wear the Santa pajamas he chose to change into. The other kids were very concerned watching Joseph during this ordeal. I ushered them to another room, but of course they wanted to see what was wrong and be in the middle of the action. At one point I yelled “Just go wait in the kitchen, guys” to which Jacks replied “That’s my brudder (brother). I help him!” I couldn’t deny that and was actually really proud. I let Taylor and Jackson act as runners for wads of clean tissues after that. Once Joseph was all cleaned up, he asked for a snack. He took his Nutrigrain bar and sat down in the corner of the kitchen, exhausted from his ordeal. I gave the other two kids a snack as well and turned around to find them all huddled in the corner. I asked what was going on and Taylor said “Well, Josie’s nose was sick so we are sitting with him so he’s not alone and we want him to feel better. We missed him when he had a bloody nose. I’m a good helper, you know.” This moment melted my heart and make the insane temper tantrum she threw the other night almost null and void. Almost.

Although they were spectacularly cute in that moment, their looks are deceiving, as always. I was getting out a bunch of stuff for snacks this afternoon while they washed their hands. They were happily eating all of their snacks and I was having a pear I had cut up. There was something off about this pear though. It had a really nasty taste to it, but I had just brushed my teeth, so I figured that’s what it was. That must be why it tasted mildly disgusting but looked so good. I was starving, so I kept eating it. One of the boys came up and put his hand in my face, and the smell on his small hand hit me; it was the scent of the hand sanitizer they had washed their hands with only moments before… The boys admitted to washing my pear too while I wasn’t looking. How incredibly thoughtful. Gag.

Have you ever had one of those days where you think you should have stayed in bed with the covers tightly drawn over your head? The kids probably could have fended for themselves well enough… The kids have been sick with nasty colds for the past few days. Their sleep patterns have been awful, and they are generally miserable. We are all overtired. While the kids seem to be on the mend, Todd and I are starting to feel sick. We were hoping for an uninterrupted night of sleep last night. Around 4am, Todd woke me up yelling “Ri! Ri!” I immediately looked over at the baby monitors and at Todd trying to figure out what was wrong, but he was still asleep! He was apparently talking to me in a dream and had no idea he was calling out for me. He’s lucky I love him.

After the boys woke me up at 4 am Sunday morning and Todd woke me up at 4 am today, I was grateful that the boys at least slept until about 7 today, although Joseph woke up quite angry. He had removed the top part of his one piece pajamas, but could not get through the layers of duck tape I had around his waist to complete his mission. He was screaming “Come out, penis!” I was pretty glad that I didn’t have any extra clean up to do, but his face told a different story. Sorry kid; mom wins this round.

The day went down hill from there. I got the kids the “wrong” milk cups, I broke the bananas into halves again, the cereal bowls were the wrong colors, the vitamins weren’t the flavors they wanted, the hair bow I chose wasn’t the “right one,” the boys fought over the exact same shirt, etc. Taylor, who is usually pretty level headed, has been screaming for the past few hours and just had a tantrum because there were only two chipmunks in our backyard. She demanded that Alvin, Simon, and Theodore all be there at the same time and was less than impressed with me when I told her I couldn’t make that happen. When I asked the kids to clean up before dinner, and she cried again as she begrudgingly put her toys away and said “Now the only thing we have to play with is these curtains.” I caught the animals literally swinging from the curtains, Tarzan style.

I also just overheard her say “You guys, I don’t know why Mom’s being a big baby and making us mad.” My kids have it rough, I tell you.

We had another eye doctor appointment for Jackson today. He was so good, and very cooperative for the doctor. The doctor was able to do some testing that he never gets to do on toddlers because Jack was so awesome. He sure made me proud. It also helped that this doctor has little ones himself and is absolutely fantastic. The other two offspring of mine were less than well-behaved and made me want to drink, heavily. Jackson tried on some different glasses today, and even though these are not the ones he has, I think they look kind of adorable on him. The shape isn’t the best, but he makes them look good anyway.

Last night, Todd went out to pick up a few groceries and came home with something other than the essentials. I guess when you are a Daddy’s girl and you have been sick for days, Daddy thinks it’s logical to get a giant Pinky Pie My Little Pony stand up balloon. I’m not even going to pretend to be mad, because it was so thoughtful of him, and made T so happy. Taylor was so excited and has been proudly walking it around the house. She is in love, although Ranger is not exactly fond of it. My sweet girl was sure to say “Don’t worry puppy. It’s pretend and only has some air in it so it’s not very scary.” I’m not sure he went for it, but the effort was there. His stuffed Lamb Chop is much more his speed and comfort level. The way today has been going though, I very well might pop the damn pony before bedtime comes along.

“Mom, the toilet is broken again. It won’t eat all my poop.” That’s how my morning started. Thankfully, Taylor isn’t shy about anything, or I would have had a massive overflow. I had to play the role of plumber twice today, and the boys aren’t even using the toilet yet. They are, however, now obsessed with the toilet plunger. They’ve never seen it used before and think it’s the most incredible magic ever. I’m doomed.

We all stayed home today, as the kids have either really bad allergies or a cold. I’m still trying to figure out what it is, but they’ve been miserable. They laid around on the sofa without moving or getting into mischief. That’s how I know they are ill! Everyone took great, long naps today, which is unheard of around these parts. When they woke up, they were starving and asked for veggies and humus. I gave them carrots and hummus and decided to throw some pretzels (a square shape that they’ve never had) on their plates. As they were eating, I overheard Taylor say “Uh guys, don’t tell her but I think these are something really tasty. Mom just thinks they are some new kind of vegetable!” It was so cute the way she said it, and the fact that she thought she was getting away with something! My kids may have also dipped the aforementioned pretend BBQ food into the humus.

Taylor loves when we get physical mail. She’s basically claimed the junk mail for herself, and she will sit down and flip through coupons, local magazines, election material, etc. Today, she was so incredibly excited that she got an envelope with her name on it! Her good friend from last year’s school, Emi, sent her mail. She drew her some beautiful pictures, and it cheered Taylor up and made her feel so special. She couldn’t wait to “write back and put a stamp on the envelope.”

I’ve had a headache all day (might have something to do with sick kids crying and clinging to me) so Todd picked up a coffee for me on his way home. I’m so thankful for that man. He came in the house and said hello to the kids, and gave me a kiss. Jackson started yelling at him “Don’t bite Mommy on the lips! You don’t bite her lips, Daddy!” It was hilarious. He’s seen us kiss and has gotten / given tons of kisses himself to know what it is, but tonight, he was concerned for my safety.

Once upon a time, my boys had a really cute bedroom filled with toys, books, and adorable stuffed animals. As soon as these two beasts could hold their own floppy necks up, the end was near. They were scoping out the territory. They were planning their path of destruction. The toys quickly became weapons, projectiles, and spare parts for their game of war. The books lost their beautiful, glossy pages; their carefully crafted words no longer carrying any meaning. They were torn into shreds and used as baby spit balls, slip and slides on the hardwood floors, and a nice place to pee. The stuffed animals were torn at the seams and the stuffing was strewn about to make their room look like a winter wonderland. As I caught on to their destructive methods, I began removing things from their room. For the past year or so, they had a bureau (which was very securely bolted to the wall), a carpet, and two toddler beds. Any toys they had were literally stowed away in their closet under lock and key. They were allowed to play with them while being supervised, but aside from that, we limited toys to downstairs and Taylor’s room since we can trust her and she isn’t 90% demon.

This past weekend, the boys were gifted with a really cute grill set, complete with all the food accessories necessary for the cookout of little boys’ dreams. They loved it from the moment they saw the box, and it’s virtually impossible to get them away from it. They would sleep with pretend cheddar cheese slices and hunks of meat grasped firmly in their little hands if I would let them. They carry them in the car with us to pick up Taylor from school.

I had to reconfigure their tiny room because they were doing toddler ninja moves to pull down their shade by jumping off of the side of their beds. They loved the new set up right away, and instantly figured out how to make a slide along the center of their beds. I kind of felt bad that this is what they were doing to have fun, so I decided we would try to add some things back into their room and see how they handled it. Spoiler alert: they didn’t handle it well. They were so excited to see the grill in their room and nicely played for about an hour. When bedtime came along, we cleaned up, tucked everyone in, and left the room. I heard giggles and footsteps throughout the room, but I wasn’t too surprised. I knew they’d get out of bed and play for a while, and I was okay with that. What I was not okay with, was wooden food flying though the air. They threw hot dogs against the wall, pieces of steak at the door, and corn on the cob at the monitor. There was plastic ketchup and mustard thrown at their closet, and hamburger buns tossed at the window. I quickly went in, reprimanded them, made them clean the mess and sent them back to bed. Not even two minutes later, they were doing it again. This time, the noises coming from their room were much louder, and accompanied by deep belly laughs. I opened the door, and as I did, these juvenile delinquents each had a grip on the grill (it’s very light plastic) and they threw it at me. Yes, at me. They tossed it as I was walking in the door, and then ran into their beds as if that was going to save them. They are now back to a jail cell, bare bones style room and I don’t feel bad about it. I am at a loss with these two and can only laugh about it now since I’ve properly caffeinated myself, and everyone is asleep. What did I get myself into?

I probably should have called around to see if any local dentists had root canal openings today, because that probably would have been a calmer, easier day. These kids (boys only) woke up on the beastly side of the bed this morning and just did not stop.

I got everyone up this morning and let them have dry cereal and fruit around a small table in the living room while I got dressed and packed a snack bag for the day (Jackson had an appointment and God forbid my kids go anywhere without food). This is a special treat that they do once in a while and they usually love it. Today, they shredded their mini wheats and jammed them into the sofa, the cracks in the table and ALL over the carpet. We needed to be out the door soon, so I make them quickly clean up what they could manage, while explaining to them that this upset me and they can not do this again. After making more of a mess “cleaning” than I ever thought possible, I sent them downstairs to find their shoes and wait for me while I quickly got dressed. I heard a loud thud, and figured they had simply dumped their play tool bench over again, but went down to check anyway, and this is what I found. What you see is a dehumidifier that they apparently thought looked better in the horizontal, empty position. It actually was way more of a mess than it looks. It took just about every towel we had in the house to soak up the disaster which got all over the carpet, in the laundry room, and all over the hallway tile. Clearly, I wanted to do an extra load of laundry today.

After the appointment, the boys were not so nicely playing with each other. They each wanted something the other had and the sharing concept was not appealing to them. At one point, Jackson walked over to Joseph, pushed him down on the floor, took what he wanted out of his hand, and said “Thanks! See you later!” and walked away. They served multiple time outs today, and when we left to pick big sister up from school, they decided (as I was driving) that they want to be barefoot, so they took their shoes off and tossed them throughout the car. One of them almost hit me, too. I do not know what the heck goes through their minds. As we were walking through the parking lot, we all overheard a mom telling her son “Just because someone else says that doesn’t mean it’s nice.” We kept walking, until Jackson stopped in his tracks and started yelling across the parking lot “That’s not nice! Not nice! You go in time out!” Military school might be an option for these two.

Also, out of all of my children, I can’t even say I was too surprised to see this one sitting at a table with a murder mystery, making a phone call. He was probably asking Siri where to hide a body.

Taylor has been pretty awesome lately, as always. She is starting to get irritated when I ask her questions about school though. Instead of talking about ponies, sparkles, and her boyfriend all day, I ask her how her day was, what she learned, etc. Yesterday, I think she had enough of the friendly conversation. She told me she played in the sandbox at recess with some friends. I said that sounded like fun and asked which friends she played with. She sighed heavily, looked up at me and said: “Shovel and Pail, Mom. That’s who.” I think that was her way of ending the conversation.

Parents of twins (or more) realize that we tend to be magnets when we are out in public. We understand that it’s “unusual” and that people are generally curious about them. We get it. Personally, I don’t mind most of the twin related comments, but just because I am a mother of multiples does not mean that I am a zoo exhibit and it does not give you the right to be rude. Also, it’s never okay to touch a stranger’s babies. Just don’t do it.

These are some questions (and answers) that my friends and I get asked often. This is more of a serious post than you are used to around here, but it’s something that I’ve been working on for a while and something that is important to many of us in the twin community.

Are they all yours?
Yes, they are all mine. Yes, I grocery shop with three children and a cart full of groceries. I don’t think it’s that difficult, but people tend to not believe me when I say that all three children are in fact mine. Do they think I borrowed them? In fact, having three kids is not THAT many compared to many other families. It’s just baffling to me that people think they can’t all belong to me.

Better you than me. / I would kill myself if I had twins.
Well, isn’t that nice for me to hear and a wonderful thing to say in front of my children? Yes. People have said these things to me; more than once actually. If that’s the way you feel, then by all means, refrain from reproducing. Costco sells economy sized boxes of condoms…and gardening shears. Go at it and please leave your rude comments to yourself.

Did you use IVF / Fertility Drugs?
People don’t often realize it when they are asking, but this is a very touchy subject to many women. For most women who did need to use fertility assistance, it was a long and painful journey. It was a time filled with despair, darkness, and wondering if they would ever be able to carry children of their own as women’s bodies are “supposed” to do.  I have more than a few friends who have been in this position, and they are some of the strongest women I know. Asking about it brings back painful memories for many, and is simply nobody else’s business! People sometimes think IVF carries a stigma with it, and that it is somehow wrong. This is not the case at all. Babies are babies no matter how they are brought into this world, and the same goes for parents. They need to be treated with respect. I am usually open about this when people ask me, but I did not go through the agony that many women went through, so I understand that its different for me, and I understand how hurtful it can be. I actually get asked this question very often when I am in public. One day, when it was really getting to be too much, someone asked me if I used IVF and I responded with: “No, I had S-E-X.” That really stopped the questions for that shopping trip. My twins were “spontaneous,” which leads into my next topic.

Are they natural?
To ask if someone’s children are natural implies that they might not be. Do you think they are pod people, plastic, a life form from another planet, etc? Again, we know you might be curious, but ultimately, it’s not really anyone else’s business how they came into this world.  If a couple would like to discuss their particular situation with you, they will. Until then, it’s really not polite to ask.

So you’re done now, right?
Again, that’s a personal thing. Sure, having two kids at once is an “instant” family, but so is having a singleton. Families are not limited to the number of children you have and there are plenty of people who go on to have more children after twins. Why? Because they can and because they want to. Their choice.

Two for the price of one!
I don’t know why, but lots of people seem to be under the assumption that everything with twins is cheaper. In reality, that’s so far from the truth! We needed double of lots of items including, but not limited to: cribs, clothing, diapers, formula, bottles, medicine, carseats, etc. We pay two co-pays whenever we go to the doctor with the twins. We pay for two prescriptions when they are both sick. I’m not sure why people don’t believe this, but they always seem to be baffled by it when we tell them. We had two insurance claims for their hospital births (three if you include me as a patient). Insurance does not care that we have twins. They see them as the two people that they are. They did, however, have the nerve to ask me while I was pregnant not to give them the same first initial because it was more difficult for them to process our info… Sorry, not sorry.

Which one is your favorite?
The one who isn’t crying at the time. Seriously, we don’t play favorites. They are our kids. They have good times and bad times just like full-sized humans have. I honestly love my children the same. There may be times when I’m happier with one over the other based on their behavior, but I certainly don’t play favorites.

Which one is the bad one?
Again, they are kids. They can be both rotten together and as individuals, based on their moods. There is no “bad one.” I was trying to console one of my crying infants in the elevator on the way to the pediatrician once (I obviously had the other two children with me) and a stranger looked at me and said “I was going to ask who the bad one was, but now I know.” No, Sir Ignorance, you know nothing.

Who is older?
This question isn’t offensive, but it’s something parents of twins (and twins themselves) get asked a LOT and it’s just funny how much people care and how much they think it matters. My twins are one minute apart; some twins are 10-20 minutes apart. Either way, I don’t think the “older” child is going to be passing down too much wisdom that the “younger” child isn’t yet privy to. I had friends in high school who were twins, and they got asked this question a lot. In fact, they still do.

You are so lucky to have two at once and be done. It must have been so easy to only go through that one time.
-No, no, and no! Yes, I am lucky to have twins. It is an honor and I am so in love with them, however; there was nothing about my twin pregnancy that was easy. I had to chug disgusting protein shakes because it was the only thing I could sometimes keep down and I was having a difficult time providing my babies the nutrients they needed to thrive.  Try living with that guilt.  I was labeled “high risk” right off the bat because I was carrying two children. I had more frequent doctors appointments, testing, and scans. I was poked and prodded constantly by both doctors, and the two small humans living simultaneously inside me. I was at a higher risk for preterm labor, and in fact, ended up having an emergency delivery and had two premature children in the NICU for 11 days. Leaving my babies, who were not even full term in the NICU while I went home was not easy. Having the feeling of I could have done more was not easy. Helping them gain weight and learn to breathe without assistance was not easy. Watching the neonatologist do an emergency incision to place a chest tube because one of my newborns had a pneumothorax was not easy.  A twin pregnancy is not the same as a singleton pregnancy by any means.  I actually have multiple friends who lost one or both of their twins, late term, due to complications. Saying that carrying twins is easy is a very big dig at myself, who had a rough pregnancy, and those women who don’t have their babies in their arms today.  Of all of the comments I have had thus far, specifically about my twin pregnancy, this was by far, the most hurtful.

They have to be identical if they are wearing the same clothing / they can’t be identical if they are wearing different clothing.
Nope, not true at all. This should be common sense, but I guess not because I’ve heard it a handful of times. Whether they are dressed in the exact same outfits, or completely different outfits, they are still twins. I promise.

I know what it’s like to have twins because my kids are XX months apart.
While having kids close in age can also be difficult, it is not the same as having twins! Carrying two babies in your belly at once, birthing two children at a time, carrying two car seats home from the hospital (and everywhere else you need to go) is what happens when you have twins.  Vaccinating two screaming infants at the same time, pushing a giant double stroller around, feeding / burping / consoling two infants at once, teething and toilet training (x2) at the same time etc. I know what it is like to have kids close in age as Taylor is close in age to the boys, but I would never consider my children triplets. Unless you actually have twins, you do not know what it’s like.

As stated earlier, this is a “different” kind of post for me today, but one that a few people asked me if I’d talk about on here. I wanted to shed some light on things that parents of twins constantly hear. If you have questions, it’s usually okay to ask, but remember to not be rude. Have common sense. We might have twins, but we are still people too. We have feelings. Also, if you are thinking of saying “double trouble,” chances are, we’ve heard it at least once already today. I am so proud to be a mom of twins and am always up for encouraging others or explaining things people might not understand or might not be comfortable asking elsewhere, so feel free to email me at twinsandtiaras@gmail.com

I had a Mother’s Day Tea with Taylor’s class today. It was just for the moms and the kids and was so incredibly special. The children greeted us at the door with a program and brought us to our seats, where we were given a hand made pin. We were served iced tea, lemonade, and delicious snacks. Taylor may have eaten all of my snacks, but that’s nothing new. The table was decorated with beautiful vases that each child decorated for their mother with their finger prints. Their teacher helped them turn their prints into beautiful flowers, butterflies, etc. She also helped them make flowers to put in their vase. They sang songs, which completely made me well up with tears, and they each read a little piece they wrote for us. Their teacher really went above and beyond to make us moms feel special and she helped the kids feel so included. They were all so proud of themselves, as they should be. I love having keepsakes like this to look back on for years to come.

In the interest of getting sappy here, I am so lucky to be the mom of such an amazing child. Taylor Michele, you (along with your silly brothers) are my greatest gift and the biggest source of happiness in my life. You are my sunshine. You are my funny bone. You are so beautiful, smart, and extremely caring. You love your family, your brothers especially, and your pup. You are a deep thinker and analyze all situations with way more concentration and determination than a four year old should have. You can bring me to my knees with laughter and put tears in my eyes with the hilarious things you say and the funny faces you make. You love life and you give the best hugs! Daddy and I love you endlessly. You made me a Mommy, and I am eternally grateful for that. We have a very special bond, and I hope it always remains. Thank you for making the first part of this Mother’s Day weekend so special for me, and the last four and a half years even more special. I love you to the moon and back, my sweet girl. 5,2,&8.

Today’s Memorable Conversation:

T: Hey Mom. You know how you told me that families are all different and that’s okay?

M: Yes, I do remember telling you that.

T: Well, some families have a mom and dad, some have two dads, some have grandparents and some don’t. Some families don’t even have puppies. But it’s okay to be different!

M: You’re right. I’m glad you remembered that. We need to be kind to everyone, no matter what their family life is like.

T: That’s right Mom. Good thing because you are a different part of our family. Me, Daddy and the boys all have such beautiful blue eyes. You have beautiful green eyes and the dog’s are brown, but our family will love you even though you are different.

Maybe I should stop passing along my wisdom from now on.

This evening, the kids were watching Cinderella. They got to the famous scene where it became midnight and all of the magical things turned back into the animals and inanimate objects they formerly were. Taylor looks up at the TV and says “Oh crap!” She says some crazy things that she hears on her silly Disney TV shows (like ‘Oh Craters!’) so I figured that’s what she was saying. I asked her to repeat what she said and sure as day she said “Oh crap! The pumpkin and mouse turned back!” Well okay! We discussed how that was not at all appropriate language and now that she knows, she’s never to say it again. After our talk, I went into the next room and laughed silently.

Taylor’s “baby puppy” had an annual check up today. He had to get a bunch of vaccinations. Taylor asked me if I could please hold Ranger’s paw while he was getting his shots so he wouldn’t be so scared. When we got home, she was so happy to see him and said “Mom, was Ranger really brave?!” How cute is that? Ranger’s favorite vet tech, Michelle, thought he lost weight right off the bat. I told her she must be mistaken, and with all the food the boys give him, he’s probably gained…a lot. Sure enough, she was right, and Ranger lost four pounds! Little stud.

 

Speaking of studs, I stumbled across this picture of me and a very old friend of mine, Eddie, from when we were kids. We used to have sleepovers all the time, and of course, he would wear a Knicks shirt and I…didn’t wear any clothing back then. I did rock the Alf sleeping bag though. It’s amazing that we both turned out to be such well-rounded adults. He’s now living the life in LA, taming dinosaurs during the day (for real) and being a hilarious comedian at night. Todd and I had the honor of seeing him live last summer and he was nothing short of incredible!

 

Taylor is still obsessed with the idea of having a baby. She’s now decided that if I won’t have another, she will have a baby (or two) herself. She came into the boys’ room like this earlier and said “My baby is going to come out at any minute now! Are you ready?” No kid, I’m not quite ready to be a grandma.

Tonight, T got up to go to the bathroom and saw that Todd was using the bathroom himself. She watched him and said “Hey Daddy, I’ve never seen you go to the bathroom like that. It’s like filling up a bucket with a hose!”

I haven’t laughed so hard in a while.

I don’t have very many words for what happened at nap time, so I will just leave you with a bunch of self explanatory pictures. It’s diaper cream, by the way.

Also, for those of you that are friends with me on Facebook, you may have already heard this story, but it’s worth repeating on here.

The kids asked to go downstairs and watch tv as I was getting snacks ready this morning. It was silent down there, so I began to worry. I quickly came down to find them captivated by the tv. They were watching Snooki & J-Wow (NOT a kids’ show). Apparently, the women were talking about body changes during pregnancy. Taylor looks at me and and says:

“Hey Mom, did you have watermelons in your breasts when I was in your tummy?” Thanks for the morning education, MTV!