I took the boys to a coffee shop yesterday as a reward for good behavior at a doctor appointment. If you read between the lines, this really meant that I desperately wanted a cup of hot coffee and five minutes of quiet time to drink it while the boys ate overpriced cake pops and people-watched. They begged for the weird, snot-green bird cake pops; couldn’t wait to have them in their little hands. They took one look at the scary birds (after I paid what seemed like half a million dollars for them) and said “We don’t want to eat this” in unison. I told them to just try them figuring they’d love the sweet cake they would find inside the pop. I took a sip from my steaming hot latte and heard sobs about how “We don’t like to eat birds. We want to go home.” They ate the beaks off the damn pops but wouldn’t go further than that. The well dressed business man sitting beside us tried to hide his laughter from behind the safety of his laptop, but I saw it. We packed up and went home (with two birds in my purse) and a full cup of coffee in my already full hands. *Note: I served chicken for dinner last night, despite their no bird eating protest earlier in the day.

As if our morning wasn’t entertaining enough, we were stopped by someone who was apparently a big fan of twins. Fantastic. Did you catch my sarcasm there? Seriously, I had a massive headache, lacked the appropriate amount of caffeine to function with a smile, and was in no mood to deal with people. I probably should have just stayed home yesterday, but you know how it is: places to go, things to do. Anyway, the fan girl (grown-ass woman) stopped us and screamed “Are they twins?! Twins are my favorite!” After saying “Here we fricken go” to myself, I politely said “Yes they are.” and tried to keep moving. Fan girl got down on all fours (she was human, but did this anyway) and asked their names and who was older. She made a big game out of who was older because it was apparently vital to her being. She then asked them if they were born vaginally or from ‘surgery’ and was kind of miffed when I responded instead of them and tried to nicely usher ourselves out of her path. Before we escaped her, she let out one more zinger, directed at the boys. Get ready. She said “Are you guys from two eggs?” Joseph blinked at her slowly and said “I like Nemo.” Jackson looked at her and yelled “What are you doing here?” I politely (I really don’t know why I’m polite; it’s a damn curse) said “Yes, they are fraternal.” She yelled “That’s the TWO egg kind, right? I knew I was right!” As we left the boys kept asking why “that lady” was asking about eggs and if she wanted bacon too.