How many more ways can my children challenge my sanity by using their bodily fluids? Scratch that question; I don’t even want to know! Today was a disgustingly cold and rainy day. There should be some law in place that requires everyone to stay in bed, under the covers on days like this, but since no law is yet in place, we went about our day as usual. The boys ate a lot of lunch and were falling asleep. They were literally lying on the floor dozing off, so I got them ready for nap time, since it was close to that time anyway. Figuring they were so exhausted and they’d pass right out, I tried something I’ve only done a handful of times in the last few months. I sent them off to bed without being taped. They were so excited and filled with excitement and promises of all good things. Just this weekend, I caught them playing cowboys with their tape. They ripped it off, curled it into a lasso-likeness and were using them as whips. They were running around the room screaming “yee-haw! yee-haw!” Suffice to say, they were glad to have the opportunity to be tape-free today. Their little eyes gleamed as I repeated “Sure, no tape for nap time. You’re big boys now!” They eagerly climbed over the baby gate into their room (or attempted to). They were wearing skinny jeans today and couldn’t get over the gate unassisted. It was actually a hilarious site to see. Laughing at their unsuccessful efforts was probably what made them turn on me.

They went right into their beds, snuggled up to each other, and appeared to be falling asleep. I went in my room to put away some laundry, all the while, closely listening to the monitor. I heard giggles and checked them, but no big deal. They were playing with trucks and baby dolls – with their clothing on. Success. A few seconds later I heard Joseph say “Pee! Pee! Pee!” Jackson’s little voice quickly followed with “Good job, Joseph! Now you do poop!” I ran so quickly into their room, nearly swinging their busted door off the hinges once more. I found Joseph in the corner, standing over a heap of comforters (his own and his brother’s), with his very own little Christmas package in hand. He very excitedly said “Mommy, I did it! I peed in my own toilet!” Yes. He made a makeshift toilet out of blankets and used it. To his credit, his pants were still on. They were very angry with me for the duration of nap time, because their comforters were in the washer, and they just couldn’t understand why they couldn’t have them back.

They used the normal toilets numerous times today, with much success. By dinner and bath time, I was barely hanging on. I was exhausted and feeling defeated. I was proud of getting through the ordinary task of bathing three stinky children. It was music to my ears to hear the water draining and know that there was only about an hour or so left until they’d all be tucked into bed for the night. I took Joseph out of the tub and handed his wet, clean little body to Todd, who was waiting with a towel. Before he could even get the towel firmly around his body, he peed all over the floor. Joseph peed, not Todd, just to be clear. Back in the bath he went, while I grabbed the Lysol. He doesn’t usually impress me like this twice in one day, but today was an exception.

Taylor is back to school after having a few days off for the Thanksgiving holiday. We had a wonderfully fun, relaxing holiday weekend and had lots of fun as a family. On Monday morning, T was not interested in returning to school. She told me she wasn’t going because she wanted to “stay home and relax in bed and stretch out all day instead.” I suppose that’s a fair Monday morning comment, but she went to school anyway. I’m milking this Elf on the Shelf thing for all it’s worth and encouraging good behavior for the Elf’s benefit. Does anyone else do the elf thing? It usually works for us. Taylor had a mini temper tantrum during dinner the other night because she didn’t like that “all the leaves fell down in the yard and they accidentally raked them into her bowl of food.” For the record, I cooked with parsley. Then, she expressed her disdain for leftovers by saying “I’m not eating this stuff. It’s the exact same thing as last night and not something different!” We reminded her that Rocky the Elf was watching and would be reporting back to Santa that night, and she quickly sung a different tune.

I’m proud to say, bribery is not beneath me in my parenting game.