This morning, Taylor was lying on the sofa resting. She was all snuggled up under her blanket and she had told me that she just wanted to take a short rest. Sure enough, the boys came running down the hall and began to poke her, uncover her, and pull the pillow out from beneath her head. She knew they were just trying to be playful, but she was still irritated, rightfully so. She sat up and yelled at them: “Don’t you know you aren’t supposed to bother someone when they are sleeping. It really isn’t nice and if they are sleeping, they don’t want to play now. Leave me alone!” I was about to interject and remove the boys from the area she was in and simultaneously tell Taylor that they are little and don’t know any better and she shouldn’t be raising her voice at them, but I took a second to think about it. They don’t know better now. They don’t quite understand the notion of personal space, privacy, or decency. But when should they learn? Should I shrug it off because they are two years old and don’t know better? I let her words resonate with them and helped her reiterate to the boys that Taylor is right. You do not touch someone when they are sleeping. Such basic concepts can start to be ingrained at a young age, and they sure will be in this house. I am so proud of Taylor for knowing all of the proper names for her body parts and knowing that nobody is to touch her privates or any part of her body, for that matter. She is four years old, but she has a voice. She will always have a voice.

Just the other day, she came home from school and told me that a friend was touching her hair repeatedly and she really didn’t like it. She did not want the friend’s hands on her face or in her hair. I asked her what she did about it, and she said that she told this friend “No! Please don’t touch me.” She was proud that she was polite and asked nicely, but she said the friend touched her hair again “because she liked how long and red it was.” We again discussed how she is in charge of her own body, and nobody else has rights to it. We discussed the fact that although it’s nice to be polite and that does make us proud, she can, and should, in certain situations, raise her voice, use her own hands to remove someone else’s hands from her body, remove herself from the situation, and ask for help. The other friend touching my daughter’s hair was seemingly such an innocent thing to do, but as soon as Taylor said NO and made it known that she was uncomfortable with it, it needed to stop. This is what we need to be teaching our children. All of them: boys and girls alike. They all need to stand up for themselves early on, and they also need to take responsibility for themselves and their actions at an early age. It starts now.

My children are easily some of the most kind-hearted individuals I know. They are loving and sweet, almost to a fault. My boys are definitely rambunctious, but that in no way means that they are bad kids. I will however, as their mother, take every single teaching opportunity I can to help sculpt them into even better human beings. They will learn personal space. They will learn “no means no” (a phrase that they actually say already). They will learn that they are to be respectful of all humans, no matter what they look like, where they come from, or what other people think of them. As they get older, they will learn about alcohol and drugs. They will understand cause and effect, right from wrong, and will take into account how their actions or words will make others feel. In our house, we currently say “good choice, or not such a good choice?” when they are not acting appropriately.

The case involving the Stanford rapist has been weighing heavily on my mind since it has gained national attention. He admittedly feels badly for what happened, but is not taking responsibly for his actions because he was under the influence of alcohol and was swayed by the college “party culture” around him. Raping an unconscious woman is never okay. Raping anyone in any way is never okay. Blaming alcohol and not being responsible or accountable for your own actions is not okay. This story has literally made my stomach churn. The victim’s letter was so incredibly powerful and blew me away. She is the type of person we need more of in our society: honest, strong, empowering. This poor woman will live with what happened to her forever because of the actions of one terrible, sub-par human-being. I can only hope that she is able to continue to be empowering and embrace life, and all that it has to offer. She clearly has a good head on her shoulders and deserves the best. The rapist’s father was quoted saying: “twenty minutes of action has deeply altered my son’s career forever.” Action? Really? Rape is not action! Call it what it is. Rape. I will always defend my children and be there for them. I get that it’s ingrained in your soul to want to protect your children, but protecting them and helping them is much more than defending their “actions” after the commit a heinous crime, after they ruin another human being’s life, after they’ve cause irreparable damage. It means teaching them right from wrong. I understand everyone parents differently, and I am not usually one to judge how other people raise their children, but I will say this. The Stanford rapist was not raised to be a man. He was raised to think that he was above everyone else, raised to think that rules didn’t apply to him, and raised to think that rape = action. Men and women alike need to start being accountable for their own actions. Just like kids, they need to understand that there are consequences for everything. You do not always get your way, and you do not get to hurt other people. You just don’t. Be responsible. Be thoughtful. Be decent.